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hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this video I want to talk about low self-esteem in women all right let's talk about low self-esteem especially low self-esteem in women so I have another video that I'm gonna link down below it's called self esteem that's kind of my fundamental introductory video about what self esteem is and I go into a lot of depth there about the details of self-esteem here I'm not going to do that I'm more interested in the question of why do women tend to have more self-esteem issues than men do to me that was curious and I started to look into that and ask myself questions about why this is and I want to share some of my thoughts there with you so that you can get more understanding if you're a woman about where this is coming from and maybe even if you're a man and you have women in your life that had this problem you can also understand where they're coming from so to get this discussion grounded we need to talk a little bit about self-esteem I'm just gonna do a recap of the definition of self-esteem self-esteem has two components to it you've got self-efficacy and self-respect self-efficacy simply means that you have the ability to think and direct your own life so it's how much power do you feel you have over the circumstances in your life that's self-efficacy and some respect is believing that you have inherent value in yourself and you have a right to be happy so when you have both of these components working together then you have high self esteem if either one of these components is malfunctioning or both of them are eroded then you have very low self esteem now what it didn't find is that women struggle with self-esteem more than men this is a generalization this doesn't mean a woman can't have high self-esteem this doesn't mean that there aren't women who have much higher self-esteem than men it's certainly the case many men have self-esteem issues but with women it tends to be more of a problem and for them not only is it a problem on the inside it does that manifest itself in a problem on the outside in dysfunctional relationships this tends to create a certain level of codependency and it makes you an unassertive doormat and then basically mint and walk all over you so why is this happening if it's happening to you how can we get an understanding of why this is happening with women well I think if you look at this definition self-efficacy self respect the self-advocacy part especially this is your ability to control and direct life well how is that developed well the way that's developed in boys and in girls is a little bit different so let's take a look at some of the cultural underpinnings here I think the culture has a lot to do with why this this disparity exists so when a boy is growing up in our culture then he is told to do what as parents they put him into sports and other aggressive activities the boys told that he's gonna have a career in a business and he needs to make money and he needs to provide for his future family potentially and so the boys always taught to compete to fight that's a very masculine type of energy right that competitive kind of competitive fighting that men do with each other so that's going on with the boys with the girls what's happening well it's not quite the same right you don't have those sorts of pressures put on them it's more about being nurturing and loving and being girly and then putting that and investing it into a relationship into a family so women are more about relationships and Families not so much about going out there and conquering the world although there are many women that are good at that and so I'm in no way discouraging it or saying that there's anything wrong with it but that just tends to be the general trend right well what happens if you're always exerting this masculine energy and you're always out there kind of pushing the boundaries of the world what do you think happens to you well what happens is that you encounter challenge you encounter resistance and if you've got this kind of motive to just like bust bust bust bust through it then you learn a lot and you learn fast this is how rapid learning happens is you immerse yourself you throw yourself into a tough situation then you have to just kind of struggle your way out this is for example how a military boot camp works right you take a Grunch recruit who knows nothing about the military has no discipline you throw him into a couple-week boot camp and all of a sudden he comes out like a real like a real go-getter a real soldier right and why is this happening because he's put under enormous enormous pressure and he learns very very fast the mine is extremely good at learning when it's under pressure now the human being and the human mind is is the opposite when it's not under pressure he tends to kind of doze off and be a little lazy and tends to backslide and so here's what's going on I think this is what's happening is that with boys are out there competing all the time so they develop a very strong sense of self-efficacy because you know they're trying stuff they're failing they're they're learning how the world works and they get like a real sense of ownership over the world they feel like they have the world by the balls with a woman it's not quite so much I mean women do that on their own terms and some women are out there doing masculine type things and that will build them self-efficacy but then a lot of women aren't doing that a lot of women are playing second fiddle to somebody else in their life whether it's to the family or to the man in her relationship and so he's all she's always playing second fiddle or taking the backseat as it were and he's the one driving and so when this tends to happen and it happens for long periods of time what happens is that your brain literally starts to turn to mush it starts to kind of atrophy it's kind of like muscles if you don't use your muscles they atrophy and that's what's happening and your self-efficacy erodes because when you're not out there challenging yourself and doing stuff if you're sitting at home if you're locked up if you're cooped up if you're not really out there in the world living on your edge then you're like really in your comfort zone and that tends to build a very very big rut and as that rut is building your self-efficacy is eroding and eroding and eroding and you feel like you can't really control the world you feel like you become a victim so that is I think that's like the underlying thread here is that this is what's going on I think also there are some physiological differences right so this is not just purely cultural conditioning there's biological differences so it's more natural for a man to go out there and compete that's masculine energy for a woman being in relationships and being submissive that's also more natural that's feminine energy and and you can see how that can lead to certain disadvantages I mean guys have their own set of disadvantages that they have I'm not talking about that here I'll have other videos about that here we're just focusing on women so this is the disadvantage with with being with being very feminine like that and being very submissive is that you tend to take the backseat they don't have a lot of control you feel like you're a victim and stuff if stuff isn't going your way then you just tend to tolerate it that tends to be your coping strategy it's just like tolerant tolerating and baring it and just kind of like suffering through it whereas a man tends to like not put up with that as much so part of that is the physiology women are more compassionate more nurturing and these are amazing qualities but they also have some disadvantages there's also amazing qualities that men have that also have their own disadvantages so every strength tends to have also kind of a little weakness behind it it's like two sides of the same coin and so for women I think is especially challenging because they need to on the one hand maintain their femininity that's important to a woman a feminine woman feels like authentic self so that's important but at the same time this femininity it can't just be like this passive do whatever you will with me out there and be a doormat it needs to be more like I'm still on my edge I'm still doing my own things but I'm doing them in a feminine way you have to be as a woman active and confident and out there living your edge but in a feminine way do it in a way that feels natural to you as a woman not the way a man would but if you do that then you will build up that self-efficacy too you just need to be constantly pushing yourself a challenging yourself in your own ways and that might be very different than they would be for a man maybe for you that's really like working on the family working on the relationship doing whatever feminine things that you like to do but like still pushing yourself in those areas don't just become very passive when you could become very passive and meek then that's what starts to make that actually process happen and when that's happening then that leads to all sorts of problems most importantly it could lead to dysfunctional relationships it's gonna create codependency it's gonna create this cycle of bad relationships so it's going to make you feel very powerless in your life and that's not what we want for you here at actualise org it's all about self actualization and for women self actualization is equally as important as it is for a man because that's where those higher feelings you know that's where those higher values of yours are as woman yours are just gonna be different than man's and that's alright but you got to make sure that you're always on the edge always pushing your comfort zone always growing that is what's the key all right so this is Leo this is what I have to say about women and low self-esteem I'm going to be signing off go ahead and post me your comments 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